Last night we offered to take Holden upstairs to our bed, like we do every night, and this time he nodded and accepted. He slept well, was a little restless, but so was I. It felt so good having him next to us in the bed where we've all slept during his toughest times as well as many good ones. The good times are best recognized by the plethora of stickers that adorn the headboard that I made. Holden has always had great taste.
The first night home from his initial craniotomy and diagnosis is pictured here.
He loves his bed, but his last night in his own room was on October 8th. That next morning, when he woke up sick, we immediately knew that there would be no miracle for our son. From that night forward he's been with us, but for the last 6 weeks it's been on our family room floor, by his choosing. We feel better with him in our bunny hole, mainly because he is closer to us and this is what we have always done in his times of need. Although there is an overwhelming feeling of defeat, we will take every night that he wants to give us in that bed.
Today Holden was as tired as he's ever been. I hope he yells at me for his Happy Meal or a popsicle when he wakes in the morning, but I don't know if he will. We are on Holden's time now. He will decide.
I started this blog so I could chronicle some of Holden's days and memorialize them for myself and hopefully share some of our precious moments with anybody that is reading and following Holden's story. I wish I had started sooner, during the good days, those are what I want to remember. Not these. For that reason, I'm going take a little break. These are the days I want to forget. To anybody reading...thank you.